Awareness is a Cornerstone of Wellbeing
What follows is a transcription of this week's 10-minute Wellness Compass podcast episode enttiled “Without a Compass, We Are More Likely to Get Lost.” We invite you to listen to this ten-minute episode by clicking HERE to listen to it on our website. (You can also listen in any podcast app, Apple, Google, Spotify, by searing for Wellness Compass--and be sure to subscribe.)
Listening gives the full experience of the emotions and tone of what is being said, which is difficult to capture in a transcription. The spoken word is different than the written word. We are happy to provide this transcript for those who prefer to read rather than listen.
Holly: Welcome back to the Wellness Compass podcast. I am Holly Hughes Stoner, and I'm here with my husband, Scott Stoner. We're here each and every week to help all of us think about what we can do differently to help create greater well-being and happiness in our lives. Every week we choose a different concept. This week we're going to talk about "awareness" because we always lead off with this podcast saying we want to help people create greater awareness and intention in their life. But you might be wondering, "Awareness about what? What are you talking about?" So we're going to delve into that a little bit today and hopefully give everybody a little food for thought.
Scott, do you want to go ahead and tell us what we mean by it? To help our listeners, I should say, talk about what awareness means to us, what we're talking about?
Scott: Hi, everyone. First of all, welcome to you if this is your first episode, we especially welcome you. But if you're a regular listener, welcome back to the journey that we're on.
Now, back to your question. Maybe this is overstating it, but I think so much of wellness is based on, or begins with self-awareness because we can't change anything if we're not aware of the problem. I was trying to think of that expression when we often say, "Oh, gosh, I wasn't aware of that. I wasn't aware that you were going through that. I wasn't aware that this was happening. I wasn't aware of that. I had this, you know, something happening inside, but I wasn't aware, and now I have this health issue."
It's usually not a good idea. I'm trying to think if anything positive ever flows from somebody saying they're not aware of something. Usually this is followed by, "Oh, I wish I had been more aware of that. If I had been more aware, I might have made a different decision. I might have responded differently."
And so, with wellness, we invite people to enhance their self-awareness so that they can have greater control of their choices. You know, all of our images, obviously, because we're called the wellness compass, navigational. We like the idea of navigating. We say to use your compass to check your bearings and see if you're on the course that you want to be on in some area of wellness. And then, make a choice if you want to do something different or head in another direction. But it all starts with being aware of what you're experiencing and being able to just observe that.
Holly: And being aware, actually is a decision that you're making to be a little more aware, to not be on autopilot. I think a lot of us, we're not really paying attention to the choices we make each day in all eight areas of our life. It could be in our relationships, it could be in the way organize our finances. It could be anything. But we just kind of do it. We get in a habit of having a certain way of operating that may be, or may not be serving ourselves well. So being aware is actually just observing. It's not judging. It's not being critical of.
Scott: I think that is so key because I think when we talk about being more self-aware, the first thought often is to bring judgment or criticisms upon themselves.
Holly: It is, it's all, it's usually very judgmental. It's like people think they should look for good or bad. Am I doing a good job at this or bad job at this or that? Looking for flaws isn't really very helpful.
What is helpful is when you can just observe. You might say, "When I'm sad, I go out and spend money." That's just an observation. It's not a judgment at all. It's just like I notice this or that about myself or I notice that when I'm afraid, I cry or I avoid such and such. It's just a pure observation. No judgment involved.
Scott: Or for me, not to stereotype, but for me, certainly as a man, for me, when I am sad, it often comes out as criticism or negative energy or anger, when what I'm really feeling is sadness. So just to observe that is helpful. If I'm unaware of that, then I'm missing the deeper insight that I'm actually feeling scared or sad or vulnerable, something that's going to require a different choice for me, a different response.
You may know I've used the image many times of The Wizard of Oz. The Wizard of Oz was really quite scared and insecure, but we never realized this until the curtain got pulled back. Then everyone realized he had been manifesting all this puffed up kind of anger and, command and control or power.
Holly: I like what I think you just said. Or maybe this was just in my mind. You said that you could miss an "opportunity" if you're not aware of the fact that you, for instance, always go shopping on Saturday because you're lonely or something. You go and do something that's not productive when you are lonely. You pull away or whatever you do.
If you're aware of it, though, you may say, "Oh my gosh, I need to go do something else other than just going out and spending money or eating or whatever you do in response to those feelings. When you are aware then you can make a choice, a different choice, like you know, "I need to call a friend. Maybe we can go do something together because what I'm really feeling is lonely, and I need company.
Scott: You use the word response several times. I think that's the key. I think that's what awareness gives us. It increases our capacity to be able to respond rather than react.
When I'm in my reactive self. I'm often not aware of it, except the next day. Right? Who amongst us hasn't said, "Oh gosh, I regret what I said or didn't say, or how I acted or the choice I made last night, last week." See, that's our observing self. That's the more self aware self. We have a reactive self, we have an experiencing self, and we have an observing self. So strengthening that observing self and shortening that time between our reactive self and our responsive self is a key to wellness, I think.
Holly: Sometimes, I'll hear a couple or two people at least talking about something that happened. Maybe they've been drinking too much or something and they've done or said something, and then the next day or week they're feeling regret. Then they may realize, "Actually, we had been drinking. That was part of what was going on. I wonder why we were doing that?" This can lead to a deeper conversation.
So it's just being aware and observing, "Oh, when I drink I do such and such, which in retrospect I don't like." That is observing the situation. Just being aware can create a space, space to begin to make a change in how people either interact, or how they think about themselves, or think about their lives. It really puts them in more control, so that they can make choices about how they want to live their life.
Scott: That's the key. That's the key to our whole Wellness Compass initiative. It's the whole key to this podcast. Again, we speak as fellow travelers here, sure we have some years and actually decades of experience of helping people, but we are also on this journey. That's really what we do. I mean, we create a space, whether we're doing therapy, whether we're doing coaching or simply creating a space where people can become more aware.
We're so privileged to do this work because the people that are coming into our space are seeking greater self-awareness. If you wanted to become a better swimmer, or a better tennis player, or a better musician, you might hire a coach, someone to help you become more aware of things you're doing or not doing that are impeding your ability to be a better swimmer, or a better tennis player.
And so if you want to show up differently as a parent or as a spouse or just in your own life, you put yourself in that vulnerable space of being willing to learn and change. There's great vulnerability in awareness. That's why we want to create safe spaces in everything we do. Everything we do in our Wellness Compass Initiative is to invite people to more awareness in a space that is loving and kind and never shame based or judgment based.
Holly: Right. We're very good as a culture, it seems very good at evaluating somebody else or a situation. But sometimes when we think about evaluating ourselves, that's sort of scary because we tend to be critical. People tend to be kind of critical of themselves. But we encourage you, as you're observing yourself, also notice your strengths.
Scott: Glad you said that because so often in coaching, that's what we're looking for. I often say in a coaching session, "Do you realize that when you just started talking about that, or that person, or this activity, or this desire, this wish, your whole face lit up? You just came to life and all of a sudden the energy in the whole room shifted?"
Holly: So you're helping them observe themselves, helping them see that whatever you are talking about excites them.
Scott: That's blowing on the spark. So be aware of where your challenges are and maybe where things are hard, but also be aware of the the things that are beautiful in your life, things that you want more of, the things you're grateful for, the sparks in your life that you want to blow more on.
Holly: I like that.
Scott: We are honored to be on this journey towards wholeness and oneness with you, and Holly, thank you for choosing this topic of awareness today. It is, you know, something that is so integral to everything we do that sometimes we forget to really unpack it.
So we hope this discussion has been helpful for you, in helping you to become more aware of maybe something that you want to pay more attention to. Either because it's something you want to change, or some spark of energy and vitality you want to blow on.
Stay in touch with us through The Wellness Compass Initiative Facebook page. Anything else? Did I leave something out?
Holly: Our emails.
Scott: Yes, absolutely, at WellnessCompass.org, that is Holly or Scott at WellnessCompass.org.
So until we gather again next week here on the Wellness Compass podcast…
May you be well, may you be happy, and may you live with greater awareness.
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And speaking of podcasts, Scott has launched a new podcast that is just him speaking about a topic that he is passionate about, the integration of spirituality and wellness. This newly launched LIving Compass Podcast can be found HERE or in your favorite podcast app.