Curiosity and Wellbeing
Most likely, we have all had the experience of negatively judging someone else's behavior and then wholly changing our opinion after we later learned more about the context or background of the person and the behavior we had judged. Maybe we regarded someone as being rude for coming late or unprepared to a meeting, only to find out later that they are a caregiver for a loved one and are overwhelmed in ways that we had no idea about when we formed our opinion. When we are willing to slow our initial reactions long enough to be curious, we can often subsequently enhance the wellbeing of ourselves and others.
Forming judgments is necessary, but creating conclusions prematurely and being unwilling to examine them over time is rarely helpful. Next time, for example, you discover someone has a different view than you have on an important issue, rather than immediately dismissing them, try being curious and ask them how they came to form their perspective. Ask what experiences in their lives and what people influenced their views. Ask whether they have consistently held that view or if their opinions have changed over their lifetime and why. The simple act of being curious will deepen the conversation and the relationship. You may still disagree in the end, but if you both share in this way, you will have a much fuller understanding of each other and how and why you view the world the ways you do.
Last week, we wrote about "practicing the pause." Many of you responded by telling us how much you needed to be reminded of that essential practice. One of the benefits of pausing is that it provides the space for curiosity and civil discourse to occur.
As family therapists, we help families do this by creating space and time for pausing, allowing them to listen more deeply to each other. Empathy and curiosity can help break the cycle of hurt and judgment, granting a glimpse into the circumstances and experiences that have shaped another's viewpoint and behavior.
Too often, changing one's mind is seen as a weakness. However, we view the capacity and openness to change one's mind with new information or new experiences as a strength. Scientists continually do this and thus revise their theories as they pause to learn more; we can evolve, too, by being open-minded and embracing curiosity. By remaining open and curious about ourselves and others, we can navigate the changes and challenges in our lives, fostering greater wellbeing and personal growth.
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You can listen to a Wellness Compass podcast episode that compliments this column by clicking on “podcast” in the header menu at the top of this page.
And speaking of podcasts, Scott has his own podcast that is just him speaking about a topic that he is passionate about, the integration of spirituality and wellness. The Living Compass Podcast can be found HERE or in your favorite podcast app.