Emotional Flooding
We are creatures of emotion more than we are creatures of logic. So said Dale Carnegie many years ago.
Advertisers, whether of the political or the consumer kind, know this. They promote their candidate or product by appealing to our emotions, not our logic. As marriage and family therapists, we also know how easily and quickly emotions can overpower one’s ability to reason.
John Gottman, a wise author and researcher on relationships, coined the concept of “emotional flooding” to describe the experience of what it feels like when we become hijacked by our emotions or the emotions of someone else. Our reptilian brains are primed for fight-flight mode, and when that part of our brain gets activated, rational thinking is in short supply.
Another way to understand what emotional flooding looks like is to think of the last time you were around a young child who was over-tired or over-stimulated. In such a state, children can become flooded by emotions; at that point, it is almost impossible to appeal to their sense of logic. While we adults have greater emotional maturity, we too can become flooded with worry, fear, anger, sadness, or irritability under the right circumstances, and our logic too can disappear.
Emotional flooding is not something we outgrow. It can still happen to any of us. We can’t choose for it not to happen. But what we can choose is how we manage it.
Recognizing our triggers and taking responsibility for ourselves when we are emotionally overwhelmed is crucial to emotional intelligence. This can look like saying, “I want to apologize for how I got hooked and completely overreacted last night and said things I regret. I want to revisit our conversation now that I’m in a more centered place to have a more productive conversation about the issue.”
Taking responsibility is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of emotional health. So, while we never wholly outgrow emotional flooding, we can grow in our ability to manage and take responsibility for our strong emotions.
Our Wellness Compass Model of Well-Being includes eight dimensions of wellness. One of the eight dimensions is “Handling Emotions.” We call it that because the key to well-being in this area is not our emotions in and of themselves, but how we handle them. Feelings are not good or bad, right or wrong. However, how we handle our feelings can make all the difference in our own well-being and the health of our relationships.
Making It Personal Questions:
Do you recognize the triggers that cause you to become emotionally flooded?
Are you aware of, take responsibility for, and even apologize when your emotions overpower your ability to reason?
Do you have things you do that help you either be less emotionally reactive and/or help you recenter when you are overwhelmed? If not, what tools might you want to develop?
*Our Wellness Compass Podcast this week expands on the idea of emotional flooding. You can listen in. your favorite podcast app, or by clicking on the “Podcast” tab in the header at the top of this page.