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As a nonprofit wellness initiative, we are honored to work with organizations worldwide. One of our favorites, though, is right in our hometown—the University of Wisconsin, a school we both happen to have graduated from.
We were on the university campus this week for several meetings. We had the good fortune to interact with many recent graduates, as this past week was the university's commencement ceremony. These graduates had the distinction of having persevered through all the challenges presented by the COVID pandemic and being part of the largest University of Wisconsin graduating class ever.
Many people at the gatherings were talking to these young people, and we noticed something interesting about the interactions we were all having with the graduates we were greeting. Immediately after congratulating them, we all seemed to ask them some version of the question, "So what's next for you?" A few were excited to share their plans, while others became almost apologetic about not being exactly sure what their plans were. We could see that our question had taken a bit of the wind out of their sails. On reflection later that night, we felt embarrassed that we had made the mistake of not simply honoring and celebrating the incredible accomplishment these students had just completed by quickly turning the conversation to "What's next?"
So the following day, when we were back on campus, we intentionally focussed on congratulating the graduates and then following up with questions about their experiences and achievements. So what did you major in? What was the best part of college for you? What will you miss most? How did COVID impact your experience? These conversations, we found, were much more animated and enjoyable—for us and the students. Some of them, on their own, chose to share their plans, but many simply enjoyed basking in the joy of the present moment. The lesson we learned again this week was how important it is to remember to savor and celebrate the present moment and not always rush so quickly to what's next.
A story attributed to the renowned cellist Pablo Casals relates to this. It is a story of a time when he asked a young child who had the honor of playing the cello for him, "Do you want to play the cello when you grow up?" A little deflated by the question, the child simply responded, "I'm playing the cello right now." Cassel, though slightly embarrassed at the time, told the story many times later as a reminder to himself and the rest of us of the importance of relishing the moment for what it is in the now and not always being tempted to focus on what might be coming next.
Over the last decade, there has been a renewed interest in meditative practices like mindfulness, breath meditation, and centering prayer. One thing they all have in common is slowing down one's breath, letting go of distractions, and resting fully in the present moment. In our fast-paced society, where we often seem to be in a hurry to get to the next thing honoring the present moment can be a welcome respite.
If you have the opportunity to congratulate a gratulate or their parent or other family members this spring, try learning from our little experiment. See if you can focus only on the joy of what they have just accomplished rather than quickly asking what might be next. You will be giving them a gift, and perhaps, yourself as well.
Making it personal:
1. Have you accomplished something recently that you would like to stop and savor the feeling of accomplishment?
2. Has someone you know graduated or accomplished something else recently?
3. If so, how might you be in the moment with them as they celebrate this accomplishment?
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ABOUT THE AUTHORS:
Holly Hughes Stoner, LMFT and Scott Stoner, LMFT, are both licensed marriage and family therapists who are partners in life and in work. They are the Co-Directors and Co-Creators of the Wellness Compass Initiative, a non-profit initiative that crates preventative wellness materials for adults, families, and teens. They live in Madison, Wisconsin and are the parents of three adult children and are blessed with two grandchildren, as well.