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What follows is the weekly column we email every Friday that is a companion to this weekly podcast. This podcast episode expands on the content of the column.
One of the joys of this year's college basketball season has been watching Caitlin Clark play for the Iowa Hawkeyes. In a recent game we were watching, the announcer, seemingly running out of superlatives to describe the incredible skills of the now all-time scoring leader in NCAA Basketball history, simply said, "Once again, Caitlin Clark is in 'the zone.'" This meant that almost every shot (including her signature "logo threes" and every assist she made was right on target. During those moments, her play seemed effortless, and her energy seemed contagious as it spread to the other four players on her team.
Being "in the zone" has also been described as experiencing "flow." Flow is the effortless experience people feel when they are fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus so that their thoughts and emotions are fully channeled and aligned with the task at hand. I believe that one of the greatest draws to watching sports, and any live performance for that matter, is that spectators hope to see an athlete, a musician, an actor, or a dancer perform in a state of flow. There are few things more inspiring than witnessing someone in such a state.
The only thing better than watching someone in a state of flow is to experience that state ourselves. Flow is not just for athletes and other performers; it is an experience we, too, can have in our relationships, work, and daily lives. There is a certain spiritual quality to flow because it is not something that a person can force to happen. The term flow is used because there is a sense that a person experiencing flow is part of a force or energy larger than themselves, as if they are being carried by the flow of a river or a current of air. They feel like they are in the flow of something beyond themselves. Flow is what we experience when we look at the clock and can't believe how much time has passed without our awareness of it passing.
Flow is largely an unexpected gift because it is impossible to create flow whenever we feel like it. However, it is possible to maximize our chances of experiencing it by focusing on the following traits or habits.
Living or being entirely in the present moment, not rehashing the past, or worrying about the future.
Living from a place of "soul" rather than ego. .
Not forcing or trying to control an outcome.
Fostering a lack of self-consciousness and not taking ourselves too seriously.
Maintaining a sense of humor.
Living from the "inside out," rather than the "outside in"-focusing on intrinsic vs. extrinsic motivation.
Silencing our inner judge, our inner critic.
Practicing something to the point where it becomes effortless.
The opposite of flow is distraction and constriction, which is why we use the term "choke" when an athlete, performer, or team tightens up and performs poorly in a key situation. It is impossible to experience flow when we are distracted or when other things in our lives are out of balance. In basketball, as in life, if we find ourselves distracted or choking, it is a good time to call a time-out and regroup. Resolving distractions and then re-centering ourselves and focusing all of our attention and energy on the "now" will maximize our chances of getting back in the flow.
Review the traits listed above and try putting them into practice in some concrete situations in your life. Instead of being distracted, work on being fully present in a conversation with a friend or loved one, and see if you experience a different kind of flow in the conversation. Try doing a task at work or home in an entirely focused, mindful way, and see if the task feels different to you. Try a spiritual practice of prayer, meditation, walking, deep breathing, or journaling, and see if you can experience a moment of flow.
In the end, flow is a gift. We cannot make it happen. We can, however, practice certain habits that put us in a mindset where we are more open to receiving this gift. For you and me the result may not be sinking more three-point shots or completing no-look pass, but it may result in experiencing increased joy and meaning in our lives and our relationships.
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ABOUT THE CREATORS:
Holly Hughes Stoner, LMFT and Scott Stoner, LMFT, are both licensed marriage and family therapists who are partners in life and in work. They are the Co-Directors and Co-Creators of the Wellness Compass Initiative, a non-profit initiative that crates preventative wellness materials for adults, families, and teens. They live in Madison, Wisconsin and are the parents of three adult children and are blessed with two grandchildren, as well.