Weekly Words of Wellness Archive
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• Living in Relationships
• Gaining Healthy Perspectives
• Practicing Self Care
• Building Values
• Spirituality
Living in Relationships
"When We Can't Untangle Ourselves"
"Springing Back to Life"
"In The Same Boat"
"Restoring Power"
"Don't Try This At Home!"
The Community of a Peloton
"Dadisms: Happy Father's Day!"
"Celebrating With Our Graduates:"
"You Can't Hurry Love"
"Making A Great Entrance"
"The Best Valentine's Gift of All"
"The Healing Power of Community"
"Let's Root, Root, Root for the Home Team"
"The Available Parent"
"Who Do You Appreciate?"
"The Love Of A Father"
"Miracle Workers"
"Standing In Love"
"Sitting Together, On Purpose"
Christmas Love
"Of Masks and Halloween"
"Coaching Opportunities"
"Muscular Love"
Pay Attention To What You Pay Attention To
"Learning to Shift"
"Flood Recovery"
"Fireworks and Relationships"
"Emotional Triangles"
"The Grass is Always Greener....."
Commencement Exercises
Response Ability
"Big Shoes To Fill"
"Emotional Cutoffs"
"The Ground Begins to Soften"
"How Silently, How Silently, the Wondrous Gift is Given"
"Deploying Our Energy"
A Reminder to Pay Attention to What We Pay Attention to
Life itself is the proper binge
Relationship Math
Standing in the Need of Prayer
All In Good Time
Happy Mothering Day!
You, Too, Can Be a Superhero
Moving Well Without the Ball
I DARE YOU!
The Rest of the Story
A New Kind of Stimulus Package
You Are In Love
Pilots and Passengers
Don’t Be a Frog When Dealing with Stress
The Roots of Change
A Higher Degree of Resolution
TRICK or TREAT Just for Halloween
Pay Attention to What You Pay Attention To
February 10, 2011
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"Standing In Love"
The Rev. Dr. Scott Stoner
As Valentine’s Day approaches, the topic of love will of course be much discussed. Much of that discussion will focus on the feelings associated with love. Advice will be given on how to create the feeling of love, how to sustain the feeling and how to rekindle the feeling of love if it begins to weaken. I am deciding to take a little different focus in this column as I reflect upon Valentine’s Day. I am not going to focus on the feelings of love, but instead I’m going to focus on some “thoughts of love.” These thoughts about love apply to all expressions of love--the love of a spouse, a partner, a child, a family member and a friend. The first thought I’d like to offer about love is something I heard a long time ago and has always stayed with me. Love is not primarily a feeling, but rather, love is a decision. I really like that. Love is a decision. There are two pieces of wisdom embedded in this statement. The first is that feelings in any relationship ebb and flow. Feelings, like moods, sometimes have a cycle of their own and can seldom be trusted as a true measure of the state of a relationship. The second piece of wisdom is that love is not just a matter of the heart, but is very much an act of the will. An exhausted parent who lovingly cares for a sick child, or an older person who becomes a caregiver to their aging spouse, is making a decision to be loving during times when they may not be feeling an abundance of loving feelings. Whenever the topic of love is discussed, inevitably the discussion will turn to the idea of falling in love. Movies, books, and television shows are obsessed with depicting people falling in love with one another. If a person knew nothing else about love except what the media portrays, one would think that falling in love was what love must be all about. But anyone who has been in love, of course knows differently. The head over heals rush of falling in love is as powerful and wonderful as it is transitory. So given the fact that falling in love is such a small phase of any relationship, I am hereby proposing that we stop focusing so much on falling in love, and instead begin to focus on a new idea--standing in love. That’s right, standing in love. It has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it? It pairs nicely with the idea that love is a decision, because regardless of what I may or may not be feeling I can make a decision to stand in love. Some of the most beautiful words ever written about love do not talk about falling in love, or even about love as a feeling. Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful....It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Corinthians 13 Now this is what it means to stand in love! This description of love refers to a series of decisions that we can choose to make. We can decide to be patient and kind. We can decide to not be irritable or rude. We can decide to endure and to believe. So this Valentine’s Day, let’s not be so concerned about falling in love. Let’s instead recommit ourselves to standing in love, as we make the decision to better love the people that we are blessed to have in our lives. Happy Valentine’s Day everyone. Decide to make it a great day!
